Meeting the Parts of You You’ve Been Avoiding: A Journey into Shadow, Soul, and Self-Acceptance

We all have those parts of ourselves we pretend don’t exist—the jealous part, the angry part, the part that still cries over something that happened 15 years ago. Maybe it’s the insecure voice that says you’ll never be enough, or the wild inner child who just wants to play in the mud barefoot. These parts don’t disappear just because we avoid them. They hide in the shadow, whisper through our triggers, and cry out through our anxiety, burnout, and sleepless nights.

So what happens when you stop running? When you finally turn around, take a breath, and say, “Okay… I’m listening.” That’s when the healing begins.

What Are the “Parts” We Avoid?

In psychology and spiritual traditions alike, the concept of inner fragmentation is ancient and profound. Carl Jung called these the “Shadow”—the unconscious parts of ourselves we reject or deny because they don’t fit into our self-image or social norms (Jung, 1953). Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy refers to them as “parts”—each with its own perspective, wounds, and protective behaviors (Schwartz, 2021). From a Buddhist lens, these are often seen as attachments or aversions that cloud our inner clarity.

We avoid them because they’re uncomfortable. They might carry shame, guilt, rage, grief, or needs we never learned how to meet. But here’s the kicker: those parts aren’t enemies. They’re exiled allies, banished from the kingdom of your conscious self but still doing everything they can to protect you—even if it’s in dysfunctional ways.

Signs You’re Avoiding a Part of Yourself

• Constant self-sabotage or procrastination

• Overreactions or intense emotional triggers

• Feeling “stuck” in a loop or pattern

• Chronic guilt, shame, or inner criticism

• Fear of being “too much” or “not enough”

• Repeating relationships or experiences that hurt

These aren’t random quirks of personality. They are messages—signals from within—asking you to meet the wounded, misunderstood, or misused pieces of your story.

The Cost of Avoidance

Avoiding these parts doesn’t protect you—it imprisons you. Emotional suppression has been linked to higher stress levels, chronic illness, and mental health struggles (Gross & Levenson, 1997). When you ignore a part of yourself, it doesn’t just disappear—it festers. It shows up as disconnection, as burnout, as the inability to form deeper relationships.

More spiritually speaking, you can’t access your full power or purpose if you’re only living from a fraction of who you are. True alignment comes from integration.

The Healing Power of Meeting Your Shadow

So how do you meet these parts of you without getting overwhelmed?

1. Create a Safe Container

   
   

   Healing doesn’t happen in chaos. Create sacred space—physically and emotionally. This could be a quiet room, a tea ceremony, a walk in nature, or time spent journaling without judgment.

   
   

2. Practice Compassionate Curiosity

   
   

   Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?” ask “What does this part need?” Be a loving parent, not a judge.

   
   

3. Name the Part

   
   

   Give it a name, a voice, maybe even a form. “The Angry Teenager,” “The Exhausted Caregiver,” “The Lonely Dreamer.” Naming helps externalize the emotion so you can interact with it without being consumed by it.

   
   

4. Let It Speak

   
   

   Write from its perspective. Let it speak its truth uncensored. You may be surprised at how much clarity and honesty emerges when you stop silencing it.

   
   

5. Find the Gift Beneath the Pain

   
   

   Every part has a sacred purpose. The Overachiever wants to keep you safe. The Inner Critic is trying to motivate you. The Rebel wants freedom. What was once protection becomes a prison—but only because it’s outdated, not because it’s inherently bad.

   
   

6. Integrate with Ritual and Intention

   
   

   Use rituals—burning letters, herbal baths, grounding meditation, breathwork—to symbolically welcome the part back into your inner family. Let your nervous system know: “We are safe now. You belong.”

Tea and the Shadow

One of my favorite ways to meet the hidden self is through tea. I brew a strong, dark brew—earthy, rich, grounding. I sit in silence, cup warm in hand, and invite the part of me I’ve ignored. Maybe it’s fear. Maybe it’s grief. I pour the tea like a conversation: “I see you. Speak to me.” In that space of stillness and ritual, walls dissolve. And suddenly, I’m not broken. I’m whole. All parts are welcome.

Why This Matters Right Now

Our world is demanding of perfection, productivity, and positivity, it’s radical to say: “I embrace my whole self.” But it’s also necessary.

Meeting your shadow is self-responsibility. It’s maturity. It’s the path to emotional freedom and spiritual depth.

When we reclaim the exiled parts, we reclaim our power.

Final Thoughts: You Are Not the Enemy

You are not broken. The parts of you that seem wild, ugly, chaotic, or painful are often the parts holding your greatest wisdom. You don’t need to banish them. You need to listen.

There is no light without shadow, and no peace without integration. You are not just the best parts of yourself—you are all of it. And that… is beautiful.

References

• Jung, C. G. (1953). Psychology and Alchemy. Princeton University Press.

• Schwartz, R. (2021). No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model. Sounds True.

• Gross, J. J., & Levenson, R. W. (1997). Hiding feelings: The acute effects of inhibiting negative and positive emotion. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 106(1), 95–103.

Disclaimer:

This article is for educational and inspirational purposes only. It is not a substitute for medical or psychological advice. Always consult a qualified professional for mental health concerns.